Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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