Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
