my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just threw up on my dentist
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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