around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
