Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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