i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize