Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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