The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize