I want to walk on stilts...naked
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
