READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
