Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
