I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
