At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
