I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
