We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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