mondays should just be called national damage control day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
