well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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