well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
