Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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