You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
