you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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