If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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