found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize