Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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