I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
