In the future we'll all be gay
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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