nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
