we're blogging at a bar
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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