So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
