I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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