You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
