She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
