My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Boobs are out for the taking
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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