I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
