hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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