PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
