First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize