My hand turned me down
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
