went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
