she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
