I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
