I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dicks are not precious.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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