i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
