After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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