Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
