Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize