people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
