dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
