You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
