You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
