I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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