so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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