thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
