Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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