I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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