I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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