does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
