I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
