I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
