Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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