one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
