so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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