Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
