I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
