I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
