I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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