The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
