I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
