okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
