I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
