I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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