I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Found your dick twin last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
