Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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