Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Don't make out with my wife yet
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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