you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
