Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come on in and take your pants off
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