So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
