is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize