Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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