you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
