Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
