when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize