I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize