oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
