im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
