if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
