Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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