I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
